First, I hope that all of you mom’s out there had an absolutely wonderful Mother’s Day. Lots of snuggles, kisses and hopefully a pancake breakfast in bed. Second, let me say that if you came here for pretty pictures of fluffy pillows or fashion tips, you’re out of luck today and might want to continue on with your blog roll. Today I need to vent, ya’ll. I need to talk about the most unexpected, unflattering aspect of motherhood that my 9 month prego self would have never dreamed existed.
Moms hatin’ on Moms….
It all came to a head via Pinterest. Random, right? Here’s the story. Sweet Lynzy had me over guest posting on her blog while she was away on maternity leave. I chose to post about what to pack in your “hospital bag.” Fuzzy slippers, granny panties, and lysol wipes…pretty innocent I thought. I also sent along a photo of me in the hospital at 9 cm with my little chalkboard to document the very best night of my life. Welp, that photo got pinned. Over 400 times. Naturally, it drives traffic to my blog, therefore it is in front of my face a lot. And there were some snarky B’s who took the time out of their busy days to comment on how funny this photo was to them. ((Let me also say that I KNOW full well that I put myself out there and am clearly subjected to criticism, which usually doesn’t bother me in the least, but these really got to me.))
“I die.”
“Funny …. any pictures after this! ? Strong epidural no doubt”
…To quote a few of the ladies on the thread. I’ve seen it over and over again and could not stop thinking about how childish these comments were. Did it make me less of a woman for having an epidural? Did these women think that I walked into the hospital, got on the pager system stating that I indeed wanted to have an epidural because I wanted to harm my unborn child? Why did it offend you that my hair was brushed and I had makeup on? ((Let’s be clear, natural child birth and drug assisted child birth’s BOTH come along with substantial risks and I researched them both very thoroughly. And if you knew me at all, you would have expected nothing less than a full face of makeup for the occasion.)) I immediately wanted to justify my existence as a mother and spout off that I breastfed my daughter for a full year, I hand made all of her food from only organic ingredients, and that I do this without the help of any family. But why…this doesn’t matter to anyone but me and really I don’t expect anyone else to give a sh*t. This would also only lead to them feeling judged in return, if they did not share my parenting decisions.
This was really just the icing on the cake of mom vs mom to me. Really, I think that it starts Day 1 and I will tell you I was blindsided. Susie Q pumps 100 ounces a day and she puts it on Facebook…wow I must be a bad mom, I could never get more than 15. Betty Lou Instagrams that her baby sleeps through the night Every.Single.Night…my daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was over 1 year old…what am I doing wrong?! Jane Doe pins organizing tips and how she makes her own laundry detergent…geez I can barely WASH the clothes as it is, much less organize my house or make my own cleaning products…I must be a bad mom. Oh and let’s not even talk about the girl in the bikini flaunting her stomach and how easy the baby weight came off like a hot minute after giving birth…that took about 6 months for me and I assure you it wasn’t because I didn’t try. Everywhere we turn, some sort of social media outlet is telling us “what kind of mom you should be”…from how to feed your kid to how to clean your toilets and each mom’s way is the “best way”….and frankly, it’s exhausting.
The point of the matter is that we are all in this together. We all share a common bond that is unconditional, relentless, and perfect love for our children. I, thankfully, do not know ONE mother who wakes up each morning and thinks geez “How can I screw up at being a mom today?” Instead, I know EVERY mom who stays awake each night worrying if she gave it her all to her child that day, nit picking every decision she’s made praying that it’s the right one. We already put so much pressure on ourselves to excel at being a mom, so why on earth do we judge each other on top of that. I don’t give a hoot if you labored naturally or had an epidural, fed your baby formula or breast milk, whether they are on a perfect schedule or running around like banshees, or if you have piles of dirty dishes and sticky floors…as long as your babies have fully bellies, are giggling at your funny faces, and snuggle you at night….that’s really all that matters. You kick ass, because you’re the boss in your house and I have no right to judge you. So how about instead, we all stick together and support each other? Tell your friends, your mom, yourself that they are doing an amazing job, because this job ain’t no joke…ya’ll it’s hard enough as it is.
Boom, there it is, my soapbox. Wish I had known this from the beginning, because I would have spent a lot more time being confident that I was indeed a great mom and less time second guessing every decision I made. Hopefully, some prego mama’s read this and go into that delivery room knowing that your instincts are right and that you know what’s right for you and your babe.
To respond to one of the questions on the Pinterest thread…yes, there WERE photos taken after this one and I am happy to share them with you….
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| Although, deep down I HAD hoped for a natural birth, the epidural was amazing and I will definitely do it again should I be blessed with another child. |
The is literally right after my healthy 8 lb 9 oz baby girl was born. We did skin to skin and nursed for one hour and 30 minutes before I even gave her up for a bath. And for the first time in my life…time stood still. Giving birth to your children is the most beautiful and amazing day of your life…don’t take that away from anyone.
You kick ass, you mom you.
water was clear, crys
#cutetex
Great post. I don't know why there are so many judgy people out there. You do what's right for you. Not everyone has the same methods and that's fine. I think I struggled with feeling inadequate for a minute and then I got over it because I realized that I am who I am and there is no one like me and I'm doing the best I can do and that's all there is to it.
Thanks Tiffany! And good for you girl, love that attitude…take it or leave it…I don't have time for anything else
Preach sista! It's so annoying that women have time to even care what other moms are doing. One time I posted something about yelling at my kids that day on FB (in a joking/venting sort of way) and some stranger sent me a private message letting me know the damage I would cause kids by yelling at them and that I should try whispering so they have to be quiet to hear what I am saying. She literally was a complete stranger who somehow saw my post through a friend of a friend. Some people just have way too much time on their hands. Good for you for looking good during child birth- I looked like a hot mess
Happy belated Mother's Day mama!
Wait, you're kidding?! Where does one find so much time??! I have so many other things that I need to be doing rather than messaging strangers about their parenting choices. Geez! Happy Mother's Day, Mama!
SO well said Mallory! We've got enough to battle without battling each other. I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!
Thanks Elizabeth! Hope that you enjoyed your day with those beautiful girls of yours! xo
oh girl. i shake my head at those comments. it's the silliest. it's not worth your time. and all i can think is that they're jealous? and if they're not jealous there is something negative within causing them to project it on you. regardless if you labored for 28 hours vs 5 hours those gals won't know what it was like to labor with an epidural…and guess what? the experience is still wonderful. my labor + delivery best friend said it best…epidural or natural…you're both leaving with a baby. who cares. keep wearing that full face of make up…lord knows i wanted to look good for the 500 pictures that were taken the day my gal was born. and you know what…i did look good. and now i don't cringe at the photos. #winning
You said it girl! And totally #winning on the photos that you don't look back on and hate! Hope that you had a great Mother's Day with your gal
Good for you – this is one of the things I am not looking forward to when I become a mom. I have two close friends who gave birth around the same time and witnessed one of them basically make the other one feel bad that she was unable to breast feed – that she "wasn't really trying" or "doing it wrong". It broke my friends heart and made her feel like a bad mother. So good for you for not caring what other people say, although it can be hurtful sometimes.
Oh, and Happy Mother's Day!
So true right, why on earth would you want to judge another woman at her most venerable time?? You will rock it when the time does come, though! xo
Happy belated Mother's Day!! It really is sad how other women can be that way sometimes. Social media can be a great thing, but it seems a lot of mom's use it in a negative way. Sometimes I find myself just having to take a step back from it for a while to get a fresh perspective and realize and doesn't really matter what everybody else is doing, we all just do the best we can
Exactly! I definitely needed a fresh perspective and that's so easy to get when you see a smiling 15 mo old running at you with her favorite animal book! Now let's get these baby girls together for a play date!!! xo
Mallory, I would NEVER skip on my epidural! With my first daughter, I was in so much pain after 4, but with my daughter Charlotte is wasn't as painful. Maybe it was my detox diet that lead me to eating organically, I don't know. Cheers to you for sharing your experience! I've lost a lot of the baby weight, especially after having babies 18 months apart, with no help from family, but have a few lbs to go. I agree, let's stop bringing each other down and starting raising each other up!
wow, you go girl! 18 months apart?? My uterus just shivered. You are doing a fab job with those sweet girls!!! my email is charmingincharlotte@gmail.com
P.S. Send me your e-mail, mine is sarah@sarahsofiaproductions.com or sarahsofiaknepp@gmail.com.
Great post, Mallory! One thing I have to say to all the haters is "F' em"! You do whats right for you and your child or family. There are so many judgmental people that are too insecure with who they are or what they are doing. I was judged for being a single mom for years. People had their assumptions as to why I had "chosen" that for my son and me. I was working 3 jobs just to make ends meet, doing everything on my own without the help of family or government assistance and yet people still found ways to be critical or assume. So the purpose of my rant it that people are going to hate no matter what! You look beautiful in your pics and kudos for doing what was right for you!
I love this saying, "Ignore the boos, they come from the cheap seats."
Great post.
Girl, you rock! Don't buy in to the jealous, ignorant people trying to put a good thing down. I love your blog and appreciate all that you share. It's truly inspiring! So from one southern girl to another, ignore the bull shit, girl. Some people have no class.
Even though I'm not a mom I love this post
and I love that you had your hair and makeup done bc I will have a full team there! haha love and miss you! xo
I have no idea on Earth why it matters to anyone how you get your child here on Earth. Who knows, maybe they would judge me for an emergency c section. And I am so over the rants on how the best way is to do things! I wish I could tell myself that a year ago! PS you looked awesome! xoxo